i'm having an amy tan moment right now

on sunday, my homegirl leigh invited me to the asian pacific american women celebration at ucb. it resurrected my soul after it had briefly died from watching the superbowl. here is my epiphany for the day:

i work hard and people love me. as a result, i've always been able to excel in my career with ease. but growing up, i've watched my mom play it out much more differently. as a single, apa woman, i saw her experience, endure, combat and complicate racism and sexism in the workplace. she had to play her role and place in society. and she knew she was limited by the systems of patriarchy and racism. but that never stopped her from trying, she always wanted to know exactly how far she could reach.

in the beginning, she kept herself mobilized for her company and she'd bring work home in order to stay ahead of the game and build alliances with others. she took me to every office party, company outings, "take your kid to work" days, she even made play dates with her boss' kids and me. i remember every friday morning, she'd fry lumpia for the office pot lucks because she wanted to "give them a little taste of home".

once she gained recognition, she was able to engage in dialogues. yeah, it took them a while to get past her thick accent. and sometimes with the alcohol, the things she said were downright absurb. i'd overhear her coworkers and supposed friends trying to be clever with their underlying racial remarks. my mom would laugh it off. but i always caught that flicker in her eyes every time it happens. and despite all of that, at least they knew she existed. and over time, they grew more comfortable. she followed the "model minority myth" so effectively.

when they finally saw her as a true player, she got her promotions. she worked harder and became even more vocal. only this time, her comments and opinions were more relevant. she'd demand a raise when she felt like she'd rightfully earned it. and how can you say no to someone you rely on so heavily at work? no one wanted to miss out on ligaya's lumpia fridays either!

the woman had done her homework.

today, because of her, i am able to move beyond the boundaries and contraints of societal formation. i am not your typical APA chick, i am loud and obnoxious and when i drink, i can talk worse than sailors do. yet at 24, i'm already living my dreams. who can say that?

because of her, people can see past my sex and ethnicity. she had already fought that battle for me. what a cookie.

(clearly she's impressed)